Crushing Waves Of Goddammit
I have incredibly troubling insecurities all of the sudden. I get the feeling like Christine doesn’t really want to have anything to do with me, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not just that, but I think it might be because I’m not interesting. Which is much more painful than her wanting me to die for being an asshole or not being good looking enough or not… well, you know. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe what I am isn’t as great as either of us want me to be. That’s the most likely situation. Generally speaking, I wrap girls up in a little web of intricate moments where I’m charming and witty. That works for a couple weeks, and then I think girls realize that it’s just a mostly empty, broken shell with a scared, insecure little boy hiding inside.
I tried to talk to her on the phone, but it was really awkward. I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and she said she was really busy this weekend, but we could probably hang out for a little while. Which is okay, but I’m kind of tired of only seeing her for an hour before she has someone else she has to hang out with. I guess I get really clingy the minute someone likes me; it’s frustrating. The phone conversation contained a lot of silence, which I explained to her that it had to do with how tired I was. I wasn’t honestly tired; I just felt really bad about everything in the world.
I’m all loopy. I’m gonna stop complaining and go to bed (taking a few drinks with me on my way out).
Oh. And I got VIP tickets to see Ben Folds at the National tomorrow with my mom. So that’ll be fun. I can drink myself into happiness afterwards, I think.
kristina247 said,
April 11, 2008 at 9:16 am
Poor Gary. Sometimes there’s just not enough chemistry between people for that stuff to work. Maybe you should try distancing yourself from her and see what happens. If she doesn’t make the effort, why should you?